In accordance with The Smiths’ song “Unhappy Birthday” from 1987’s Strangeways, Here We Come, we’d like to wish Steven Patrick Morrissey a/k/a Morrissey a very merry “unhappy birthday” on his 53rd year on this planet.
So, we are celebrating Moz’s decades-long perfection of the lovelorn, rock dirge and tongue-in-cheek black humor ditties with what we deem his top ten creepiest love lyrics. Love so passionate that Morrissey wouldn’t mind if you “break his face.”
He’ll also creep on you while you sleep, would have murdered you several times and now that you’re in a coma, he thinks “by rights you should be bludgeoned in your bed.”
Moz always knows how to win our hearts and scare us into titillation at the same time.
10.“Is It Really So Strange?”-The Smiths
Moz doesn’t mind moving or taking a little abuse in the name of love; hell, he doesn’t even mind taking a heavyweight fighter status beatdown either.
I left the North/I travelled South/I found a tiny house/And I can’t help the way I feel/Oh yes, you can kick me/And you can punch me/And you can break my face/But you won’t change the way I feel/’Cause I love you
9. “I Am Hated For Loving”-Morrissey
So, this is a song about Morrissey being hated for loving so much. Presumably by crazy stalkers who creep on him with anon phone calls, poisoned tip pens, and violence. All because he loves in a “different” way.
I am hated for loving/I am hated for loving/Anonymous call, a poison pen/A brick in the small of the back again/I still don’t belong/To anyone – I am mine
8. “You’re The One For Me, Fatty”-Morrissey
Not necessarily the creepiest of the songs, but calling someone “fatty” isn’t really a common term of endearment. And the way Moz sings it makes it sound less sincere and more like a jabby inside joke.
You’re the One for me, fatty/You’re the One I really, really love
7. “How Soon Is Now?”-The Smiths
Just imagine a shy, lonely boy standing in the corner of a club trying to find true love, but failing, going home and feeling suicidal. It’s heartbreaking, but at the same time there is a flicker of promise that he might find his soulmate the next day. Or the next.
There’s a club if you’d like to go/You could meet somebody who really loves you/So you go and you stand on your own/And you leave on your own/And you go home and you cry/And you want to die
6. “Ask”-The Smiths
Either we all converge in moments of passion or we come together after exploding into little tiny pieces the combine in the ether. Something will inevitably “bring us together.”
And if it’s not love than it’s the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb that will bring us together.
It’s already creepy enough that Morrissey has gone full stalker status in this lyric, but he likens himself to a “bad debt that you can’t pay.” And if you’ve ever backslid on paying your credit card bills, you know how horrific and abusive collection agencies can be.
When you sleep/I will creep/Into your thoughts/Like a bad debt/That you can’t pay/Take the easy way/And give in/Yeah, and let me in
4.) “Girlfriend In A Coma”-The Smiths
His girlfriend might die. In fact, she probably will. So Morrissey reminds us, whether out of guilt or nostalgia, that at one point he could have “murdered” her, but now he’d “hate” if anything were to “happen to her.”
Girlfriend in a coma, I know/I know – it’s serious/Girlfriend in a coma, I know/I know – it’s really serious/There were times when I could/Have “murdered” her/(but you know, I would hate/Anything to happen to her)
3.) “There Is A Light Never Goes Out”-The Smiths
These lyrics, chanted by Smiths-loving high school students everywhere, sum up the teen angst of love perfectly.
And if a double-decker bus/Crashes into us/To die by your side/Is such a heavenly way to die/And if a ten-ton truck/Kills the both of us/To die by your side/Well, the pleasure – the privilege is mine
2.) “Stop Me If You Think That You’ve Heard This One Before”-The Smiths
“I still love you, only slightly less than I used to, my love,” sings Moz and it makes us feel all weird, sad, and desperate to get his full attention back.
1.)”Bigmouth Strikes Again”-The Smiths
The most popular Smiths song also has the most morbid “love lyrics” ever. It comes off as half-joke and half a love so intense that you just want to punch them in the face with your unbridled passion.
Ohhh sweetness, sweetness I was only joking when I said/I’d like to smash every tooth in your head/Ohh sweetness, sweetness I was only joking when/I said by rights you should be bludgeoned in your bed.
–Nadia Noir, CBS Radio Los Angeles