We all keep wondering whose brilliant idea it was to allow Psycho Mike onto a national TV show, but since that was already given the green light, we started wondering about the poor girl that is going to having to tolerate Mike’s pelvic thrusts on national TV. Well, this morning, we had Lacey Schwimmer, the martyr herself, in the Kevin & Bean studio to give us the dirt on our little Twinkletoes.
While we think that Lacey totally drew the short straw, she swears they’re like two peas in a pod. She admits to going around the Dancing With the Stars studio drawing penises all over the place, so maybe she really is suited to be partners with Mike! After being previously partnered with Steve-O, who used to put his boogers in his pocket, Kevin suggests that Lacey is the specialist for all the “window lickers” on the show.
When asked how the partners are paired up, Lacey, who’s in her fifth season on the show, said that the producers pair them up based on height and personality. Seeing as she often gets the edgier, crazier ones, so the producers must think she’s a little nutty too. Rather than getting mocked for having the partner that no one’s heard of, the other girls on the show are a little jealous of Lacey due to their crush on the “Loveline Loverboy.”
Lacey was familiar with Mike before the show, but had no idea what he looked like. She said she “thought he was gonna be some old guy who’s just on the radio,” and threw in a “no offense you guys. No offense,” to Kevin and Bean, but can we really blame her. The “face for radio” phrase came about for a reason. “But he’s a good lookin’ dude and he has a great body,” she continued.
Despite Mike’s lack of dancing ability, Lacey says he’s really committed to it. “He comes into rehearsals [saying] ‘I really wanna work hard today.’ He’s super into it, which is so cool to see, and he really is working hard. I can’t say enough good things!” Working hard doesn’t always translate to good dancing, but apparently is means he’s got potential. Lacey thinks that the women will see past his shortcomings.
Bean asked Lacey what Mike can do to win over the home viewer who may be seeing him for the first time, even though “part of the reason he’s on Dancing With the Stars is because chicks love to look at him.” Her response? “He’s just gonna have to whore himself out! He definitely needs the votes and definitely needs the support… I think a lot of the cougars across America are going to be purring for him.”
Despite being a good looking guy who’s physically in shape, Mike refuses to take his shirt off in public. Lacey tells us that “when he’s changing in rehearsals, he’ll face away from me so I don’t see his nipples.” Kevin one-ups this with another story. “Mike’s told us [that when] he’s home by himself, no one else in the house, when he takes a shower, he gets the water running, he opens the shower door, and then at the very last second, he takes off his shirt and gets in.” Lacey just might have to take one for the team and take her top off instead, as Bean suggested, and Lacey agreed.
Bean went on to ask about the sensuality of some of the dances and all the rumored hookups that happen behind the scenes of Dancing With the Stars. Lacey’s never before had a partner that she could be super sensual or sexy with. She hasn’t had any hookups… yet.
First partner – Lance Bass – gay.
Second partner – Mark Dacascos – older and married with kids.
Third partner – Steve-O – “He’s just… I can’t. The stuff he puts in his mouth? Nooo. Just no.”
Fourth partner – Kyle Massey – only 19 years old
Now, fifth partner , Psycho Mike, “is kind of scared of me. [He gets] very nervous. I will talk to him when we’re in dance position and he’ll stand as far away from me as possible.”
So what’s the deal with Mike and his underwear? He said in some interview that he wears multiple pairs on underwear in hopes of not getting a boner. “He already told me that it’s definitely a ‘little Mike.’ He wears this bamboo underwear that is apparently suction-cupping everything together.
He had me feel it, and apparently it’s made out of bamboo.” Wait… what??? Who does that? Well, I guess Mike does. “Half of our rehearsals are us laughing and goofing off and him trying to show me his nuts, and the other half is me just sitting on the floor watching and making sure he’s doing what he’s supposed to… He tends to show me everything.”
In keeping awkward conversation, Kevin brought up the topic of Mike having someone push on his back and have an… umm… “oral conversation”… umm… with himself. Funny enough, Lacey said not only has that topic come up, but one of the other dancers on the show can actually do that, so they brought him in to demonstrate, thus making Dancing With the Stars the dirtiest behind-the-scenes show on TV.
Tune in to ABC starting next Monday, March 21 at 8pm, to see Lacey and Mike take the dancefloor.