9:38 am – Congratulations to Miss Double D-Cember 2010, who not only gets to attend all KROQ events, but she also gets her very own midget for the year (who is currently humping her leg). And the winner is… Danielle! “She’s an angel and just look at those cans!” See you at Acoustic Christmas!
9:18 am – Gene Simmons, you motorboatin’ son of a b*tch! Thanks for the original song all about boobs. Kiss should be proud to call you their leader.
9:11 am – Over 215,000 votes were entered for Miss Double D-Cember! Apparently it’s a very close race. Stay tuned kids, we know you’re holding your breath. Any guesses as to who will take the crown?
8:28 am – Jessica, if the Slidebar in Fullerton decided to make a cocktail in your honor, what special ingredients would be in a Jessica-on-the-rocks? “A shot of everything and cranberry juice.” The only way that could sound more disgusting is if she drank it with her feet.
8:27 am – Allison, if you could chose one animal to turn into for a day, what animal would you choose and why? “A lioness because they rule the animal kingdom.” Meow.
8:25 am – Sarah C., if women had always ruled the world, what would be the biggest difference today? “The world would end.” Ok, let’s try this again. Sarah C., if you ruled the world what would you change? “I’d make the world a nudest colony.” You really wanna see your grandfather naked? All old, bald, wrinkly and shriveled? Sick.
8: 23 am – Melissa, if you could murder one celeb and get away with it, who would you chose and why? Her answer: “Lindsay Lohan.” The reason? SamRo isn’t hot – she would prefer Lindsay with a lipstick lesbian. Tyra Banks would have been a way better answer. Justin sayin’.
8:22 am – Stacey – If NASA chose you to live on the space station for a year and you could take 3 things with you, what would they be? Her answer: A vibrator, batteries and lip gloss – “It doubles as lube.” That can’t be kosher.
8:12 am – Sarah M. and her 23 inch waist say if they were to invent a new holiday, it would be I-Scream Day, where everyone eats ice cream and has sex all day long. Sweet. How do you keep your waist at 23 inches if you eat ice cream all day long though? Bulimia?
8:10 am – Teresa – Kevin and Bean wanna know which fairytale princess are you most like. She says she’s most like Snow White because she likes to have 7 men around her at all times. 7 dwarfs though? We’re not sure.
8:08 am – Danielle, you’re a secret agent and you’ve been captured behind enemy lines. You get to chose how you’re gonna die. What’s it gonna be? The needle, gunshot to the head, maybe o.d. on some pills? Not quite. Her answer is one word with four letters – F*CK. Or the PG radio version: bone. For some reason I didn’t think that was an option.
8:06 am – It’s time to learn a little bit more about each contestant in the Q&A portion of Miss Double D-Cember. So Brianna, what would you do to your man if he cheated like Tiger Woods’ dumbass? Keepin’ it classy – she’d slash his tires.
7:41 am – OK so Sarah C. is making out with not one, but two chicks at the end of the stage. “Those are my girlfriends!” she squeals. I thought the talent portion of the competition was over? I may have jumped the gun on who wins the bikini contest. Never underestimate a girl who likes girls… with her tongue… in front of some dirty old men.
7:28 am – If I had to guess, I’d say the swimsuit competition is in the bag for Sarah M. The girl came out in a gray t-shirt which she promptly ripped off to reveal a red, sparkly thong bikini and a whole lotta ass. Cheers to you and your spray tanned cheeks!
7:26 am – Drink up – it’s time for the swimsuit competition!
7:14 am – Congratulations to Hector! You don’t suck. Enjoy your tickets to night #2 of ACX.
7:12 am – WOW these people are tone deaf. One girl gets on stage and actually forgets what she’s gonna sing. Really? Nice pink headband.
7:05 am – Who wants Acoustic Christmas tix? Sing a song from one of the bands who’s playing at the show and you could get a pair.
6:44 am – Jessica has some big ass feet. She’s gonna drink a glass of wine with them. Gross.
6:42 am – Allison is in a bra and underwear. She also has a hoolahoop and a keg. She shakes her butt a little bit for the audience and then says she’s gonna lift the keg above her head ten times while she’s standing, then while she’s on her knees, all while hoolahooping. And she actually does it! B*tch is swole!
6:41 am – Sarah C‘s talent is boobie bouncing jump rope. She’s struggling. And she trips a few times. She’s not very good at this.
6:39 am – Round 2 is underway! Please welcome Melissa. She does a handstand, the splits and a back handspring in a halter top. Audience, meet Melissa’s nips. Bet you wish you were watching the live webcast now don’t ya!
6:30 am – And Miss Stacey‘s talent is hoola-hooping while taking a shot. Really? That’s the best you can do?
6:29 am – Sarah M does a cartwheel in her white mini dress. That’s a crowd pleaser right there! Minus the two pairs of underwear she has on.
6:28 am – Hello Teresa, AKA Sarah Stone. “Amongst other things, Teresa can stick her fist in her mouth.” Think she’s the porn star they keep talking about?
6:25 am – And here comes Danielle. She can get her double-jointed self out of the furry handcuffs Kevin and Bean provide. She discovered this talent while in the back of an actual cop car. Kids, don’t try this at home.
6:24 am – And it’s time for the talent portion! Meet Brianna. She’s talented. She can tell you each number that corresponds to each letter in the alphabet. Or something.
6:13 am – “How do the boobs look back there?” Crowd cheers. “We have massive and natural and massive and fake. But everything’s huge – there’s not a lot of differentiation there.” Word.
6:10 am – 2009′s Miss Double D-Cember is introduced. Cassandra got to interview AFI on the radio this year, go to a bunch of comedy shows, attend all the KROQ singles parties and KROQ concerts. Lucky b*tch.
6:06 am – But the bar is open! Yay!
6:02 am – It’s f**king early.